I have always been an anxious person and my stress levels are out of this world, however, these past few months turned into an uncontrollable chaos. I have no real clue what happened or how it happened. I started having relationship problems and you could say life crises and before I knew it, my life felt as if I was a character in a game and someone else was making all the bad choices. As if love problems weren’t bad enough, my close friend was struggling herself – she has a baby on the way and her fiancé is fighting alcohol addiction. And because my life is a tragicomedy and that simply wasn’t enough, another close friend contacted me because her family was in serious trouble and she needed my help – and we are talking help that could bring myself in big trouble.
So basically I have relationship problems that were stressing me out so much, that I started having medical problems and I got into huge depressions. I felt like there was no solution for me… I thought about leaving my boyfriend a lot, but I still don’t think that it’s the right time? Like if we were still meant to be together (does it make sense? Yeah I guess not…). So I always got into this endless loop that was going nowhere and that was stressing me out, the more I got stressed out the more everything felt darker and I was not eating properly. It was scary as hell… it still is. That’s why I probably took the cowards way out and instead of taking a risk and leaving I decided to solve it… I still don’t know if I am solving anything or just running away but I know that I am scared to death by that dark place of mind and I don’t want to relive that. And of course, those two friends came to me with their problems because they have nowhere else to turn to and I feel like I must be their rock and help them and my problems seem like nothing in comparison with their… Like… am I really having it that bad? Am I just blowing up something meaningless and making a drama out of it even though it has a simple solution? Are my problems even worthy?
I feel like I am lost in a fog and every time I think I see a light to navigate me out of there, it just makes me go deeper and deeper. I don’t know anything at this point, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel, I just want things to be normal and simple… What is happening?