Ghost me not

it was a nice sunny day and he was cutting his way through a park in the city centre, when all of a sudden he spotted her. She was sitting there under a tree, reading one of her strange gory books, completely oblivious to her surroundings. He stopped dead in his tracks. He stood there, staring at her and didn’t know what to do. He did what she specifically asked him no to do – he alienated her. She knew that the situation they were in wasn’t ideal and therefore asked him that if he ever had to sever ties with her, to be honest with her and just tell it straight away. He promised, because he knew that she had had some bad experiences in the past and that if another person she cared about started ignoring her, it would break her. But he did just that… he started ghosting her. She didn’t know what was going on, so she texted him occasionally but since he wasn’t responding, her texts were rarer and rarer until one day they stopped coming. At the time he was relieved, it meant that his life would get a bit easier, but he still cared about her and knew that she’d be going through a tough time. And he was right. She had no clue what happened, she cursed him, she cried, she got depressed, she was so broken that she didn’t leave her bed for days and did not eat. He wanted to come back and help her when he heard all these new, but he didn’t. He drew a line and couldn’t cross it back.

She eventually found her peace. She moved, started from the beginning, found new friends and picked up a few new hobbies. He was glad that she got over it, but deep down he knew that he left a scar on her heart that could never be healed and that she would never trust anyone like him again. And now there she was, sitting there, so caught up in the story of her book that her mouth was slightly open and her fingers white from the tight grip she had on the book. He smiled. She changed so much yet she hasn’t changed at all. His old feelings came rushing back.

Some kids were playing with a frisbee near him when all of a sudden he heard a sharp “Watch out!”. He noticed the frisbee flying right at his head, but he, fortunately, managed to catch it in time. He threw the frisbee back to the kids and turned his head back to her. Their eyes met. The shouting made her look up and she finally noticed him. Her face was blank with all colour vanishing. He opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t know where to begin. She closed her book, collected her stuff and got up. She walked towards him. She was as beautiful as ever, his heart was pounding rapidly in his chest as if it wanted to jump out. He started smiling stupidly, he couldn’t believe this was happening. She got close to him but was not looking at him and as a matter of fact, she passed by him as if he was not even there. As she was passing him, she tried to keep a stone face, but he noticed a tear falling down her cheek. He was dumbstruck. His hand darted out without his intention and he grasped her wrist. She looked at her hand and then in his eyes. Only now he was able to see the blankness in her eyes. She was hurting, she was destroyed on the inside and it was all his fault. Was there even something he could do? She jerked her hand free, gave him one last glance, turned her back to him and left. He was staring at her, he felt his heart breaking and this aching that was passing through his entire body to his fingertips. One minute she was there and the next she was gone, just like that. He thought to himself, “So this is how she felt.”

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The unbelievable true story of how I met my boyfriend – part II – the Polish Guy

Well, so where did I left off? Oh I know – everything went to sh*it with Jackson Jackson. He started ignoring me and I started to be more desperate than ever before. If you didn’t guess it already, this isn’t the love story of me and him… he’s actually kind of an asshole to be honest, but he plays a big part in this story. I actually found out recently that I was a rebound after he broke up with the love of his life… like ok I get it… but fuck you dude.

Anyway at that time I was spending most of my time playing League of Legends with my classmate and friends of ours that he introduced me to. Because my life is a real life soap opera, it somehow happened, that the classmate (let’s call him Gandalf) was applying for the same school as Jackson Jackson and both had to another city for the entrance exams. And because it wasn’t enough, the other two friends we were playing with (Blondie and Clueless) accidentally lived in that city. Or to be more precise – Blondie lived there and Clueless was only commuting there. I was a little sneaky b*tch and suggested that we could do a meet up. I would travel with Gandalf, we would stay at Blondie’s apartment and Clueless would join us. What they didn’t know was, that my plan was to go back with Jackson Jackson.

Somehow this craziest idea ever worked and we all found ourselves in a city across our little republic. While Gandalf was doing the entrance exam, I hanged out with Clueless. It was a bit uncomfortable because despite being really close online, we didn’t really have anything to talk about. After the most agonising two hours we picked up Gandalf and met with Blondie. Keep in mind that I was meeting both Clueless and Blondie for the first time in person.

As the day progressed, we decided to go to a pub. I am a shy introvert and Blondie announced that his flatmates would join us. The thought was hell for me. To be quite honest I got drunk before they even got there and then I talked with them no problem. Our two cities have disputes with each other over our dialects and Blondie with a friend of his were making fun of me for over an hour. It was a very interesting evening and then it happened. All of a sudden a new guy joined us (also Blondie’s flatmate) and my first and only thought when I saw him was “daaaaamn me likey”. And yes this is what you all have been waiting for, that was my future boyfriend. But the story doesn’t end here, oh no… The Polish Guy sat down and I didn’t acknowledge him the whole evening because he was sitting on the opposite end of the table. However he had a job interview early in the morning and decided to leave early. As it happenned, I was so hammered that I was feeling really sick and wanted to go home and sleep for an eternity. Logically I decided to join the Polish Guy as it was Blondie’s roommate and we were all sleeping there anyway. As it turned out I unleashed hell with that simple request.

What I didn’t know at that time was, that Clueless had a huge crush on me. He obviously thought that we would hit it off or something and didn’t want me to go home, especially not with the Polish Guy. So they grouped up, while I was cluelessly falling asleep on a chair waiting for something to happen. They were arguing about something and then the Polish Guy came to me and told me, that he wasn’t going in fact home, but to his girlfriend’s. I didn’t care. I needed fresh air and I told him that it was ok, that I only needed directions to get to their apartment and I would get there somehow on my own. What i don’t understand to this very day is, that I was very determined to get home whether someone took me or not and despite the monstrous crush Clueless had on me, he just didn’t want to take me home.

Eventually I found myself on a bus stop with the Polish Guy. We started talking and he admitted that he had no girlfriend and lied just so I wouldn’t go with him and stayed there with Clueless. I couldn’t care less, I just wanted to sleep. As we waited we talked some more and because we were both pretty wasted and he was handsome as hell, we started flirting. After what seemed like an eternity we got to their apartment. I wasn’t sure about our sleeping arrangements, but the Polish Guy told me that I was supposed to sleep in one bed with Clueless… HELL NO! I didn’t know that guy at all, I didn’t want to share a bed with him and also he had a sleeping bag… So I did what I had to survive… I crashed in the first bed that had a duvet and a pillow. Accidentally it was the Polish Guy’s bed. !He threatened me to get out and find somewhere else to sleep and that I had time to move while he goes into the shower. I was so sick and tired that I fell asleep while he was showering, still in his bed. I later learned that he also fell asleep in the shower waiting for a text from the guys telling him what to do with me.

When he finally returned and found me sleeping in his bed, he decided to leave it be and took the bed ment for Clueless. Because he woke me up and I couldn’t fall asleep anymore even though I was dead tired, I decided to talk some more with him, so I opened up with “I understood your reference about Helm’s deep earlier”. (Yeah…. I actually bonded with my future boyfriend via Lord of the Rings) We talked for another two hours untill the rest of the guys showed up and another shitstorm begun. Basically Clueless and Blondie thought that I had slept with the Polish Guy. Clueless kicked him out of his bed and because the Polish Guy didn’t want to kick me out of his bed, he went to another room and slept on two sofas pushed together. But because I ruined the sleeping arrangements, Gandalf didn’t have a place where to sleep and decided to play games all night long. Clueless and Blondie were sleeping in the same room as me and when they thought I had fallen asleep they started talking. The conversation was about me – how selfish I was that Clueless was doing everything for me and that I wouldn’t hook up with him, how I ruined everything and how because of me Gandalf didn’t have a bed to sleep in. I felt guilty, very very guilty for Gandalf.

When the guys fell asleep, I snuck into the kitchen and made Gandalf company. He was playing Mass Effect and was telling me about the game and stuff. I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer so I fell asleep on the tiniest armchair ever. The next morning it was very tense. Clueless was angry and wouldn’t talk to any of us and i was getting depressed because Jackson Jackson was not answering my texts. In the end I hitched a ride home with Gandalf and haven’t seen Jackson Jackson since. After few days I added the Polish Guy on facebook and we talked for two months before we started dating. I moved cities and now we’ve been living together for the best year and a half.

The unbelievable true story of how I met my boyfriend – part I – Jackson Jackson

This story is completely bonkers, it’s very complicated and very long, so bear with me. I’ll try to describe it to my best abilities, but no promises. And most important – it’s all true. I couldn’t come up with something like this even if I tried to. So grab some tasty snack, find a comfortable position and enjoy.

It all began around six years ago, when I was 15 years old. Don’t follow my lead kids, but since in my country the legal drinking age is 18, no one really cares about 15 year-olds drinking themselves blind. Most teens actually stop drinking once they reach 18 –  just a weird occurence that is somehow normal here. So when I was 15 we were regulars at… I don’t even know how to call it… disco pub. Loud generic music, lot of drunk kids and dancing… oh good ol’ days. So this one night our classmate (he was new to our class at that time) approaches as with his old classmate. Everyone must have someone very unique in their lives, someone who is just impossible to categorise, that is wild, unpredictable and just unimaginable. That for me was Jackson Jackson. Ok obviously I can’t use his real name but I kid you not, his last name was the same as his first name and everybody called him only Jackson Jackson. The name was so ridiculous that somehow it bear power and every single person respected it.

How to describe Jackson Jackson… He has this sexy broad jawline, seductive kind eyes and the most amazing smile I have ever seen. He smiled at you and you were doomed that very second. It is therefore no wonder, that he was a huge womanizer. Surprise, surprise… The night I met him, he was trying to pick up my friend’s sister that was much older than him. When he was not successful, he moved to me, because no one else was in sight. I watched the whole scene of him trying to seduce that girl, and let me tell you, I decided to have some fun. I pretended that I was more drunk than I actually was and that his seducing was working and I was flirting back. I was trying so hard not to burst out laughing. He eventually disappeared to find his friends (he was so famous that almost everyone knew him at that pub and you were basically a loser if you didn’t know Jackson Jackson).

As time went on, half of my classmates made out with him and slowly but surely started hating him. But somehow happened, that I was the only one that didn’t kiss him or anything else and what is even weirder, we started talking. Talking slowly turned into walks in the forest and we really understood each other. And then one day, we were at the pub again, i was reeeeally dunk and before leaving I went to say goodbye. He hugged me and wait for it… asked if he may kiss me. Gosh if he just went for it, I wouldn’t resist, but he just had to ask… I had never kissed anyone before and because I am this shy anxious introvert, this request scared the living hell out of me. I pulled away and apologized. From that day on we ceased to talk so much and eventually we were not in contact anymore. As the years passed we would sometimes reconnect, but nothing special.

That lasted till about two years ago. I can’t really remember, but I think we met somewhere, started talking again and he invited me over to his house to watch Disney movies. And that’s what we did. We drank Jameson with coke and watched Mulan and Atlantis and more. We were holding hands, i was leaning on him… it was predestined for something to happen, but nothing happened, not even a kiss. I slept on the couch on a giant stuffed frog and the next morning we were so hangover that I just went home to die. After that it all went to sh*t. He pulled away and didn’t really wanted to meet or talk or anything. It was mostly because we had to decide what college are we going to apply for and he decided to be soldier. That basically ment that every bond would just be painfully broken. However I am the worst hysteric creature in existence, and at that time I didn’t know about the soldier thing, so he was just cutting me out without any explanation. I had that before with other guys… and I may be overreacting at situations like that a bit… Ok I may have gone full on drama queen.

He stopped answering and if he did, it was very cold. So I eventually gave up. But… yeah there’s a but… I attended my friend’s graduation ball. I was so desperate that I got completely hammered to get him out of my mind… and guess what dunk people do… yeah they text their victims. I knew he was working close by that night and that he had a late shift. So I asked him, if he wanted to meet me. And to my greatest surprise, he agreed. I accidentally made him wait half an hour for me and it was really cold outside so he was freezing his butt of. I met him outside and together we headed for bus home. We met some of his friends which was really annoying but eventually we got rid of them and then there were just us. I have no clue how it went down, but we started kissing (he later told me that seduced him and talked him into it… I was so drunk I couldn’t even speak properly, but sure dude). Also the whole bus ride home I sat on his lap and it was just magical…. and then it turned to sh*t once again.

This story is longer than I anticipated, so i will cut it here. Tune in next week for part 2!

Carter

We have been friends ever since I can remember. We were best friends from the very first moment we saw each other in kindergarten and continued ever since. Everything went smooth until we hit the age of seven. That was the time, when Carter started doing these weird things. It all started one afternoon during a lesson. Out of nowhere he started shouting “Boooooring” and doing this plopping sound with his lips, followed with a wild jerk of his head. The teacher lost it, he got so mad, that Carter was disrespecting his lecture, that he kicked him out of the classroom. But unlike anyone else in the room, I knew that something was wrong. Carter was a quiet introvert, who would never do such a thing. His facial expression was showing, that he was desperate and very confused as the rest of us.

For the rest of the week, Carter didn’t show up to school. Apparently, he continued doing those weird gestures even at home and when being told off, he admitted that he had no control and it caused him tremendous discomfort and exhaustion to try to suppress it. His parents fortunately believed him and took him to a hospital… there he was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome.

Growing up was not easy. All our friends were slowly avoiding us, one by one. Nobody wanted to have anything in common with that weird guy that was shouting random things or doing wild hand gestures. Nonetheless, I stayed. I never left his side. For some stupid reason, nobody was able to comprehend what an extraordinary person Carter was. Our favourite activity was to watch movies and different TV series. We had always the subtitles on, so we wouldn’t be disturbed if he did some noise – that was when I discovered that reading had an interesting effect on him, and calmed him down to some extent. I started bringing him comics and bunch of fantasy and sci-fi books. He loved it. In fact he loved it so much that most of his vocal tics started being references from those different comics and TV series. There is nothing more hilarious than when we are walking down the street and he starts shouting “To the Batmobile!” or “Heeeere’s Johnny!” or “Why so serious?” and many more. He never failed to make me laugh and he was glad to have someone to be laughing with him and not at him. Not everybody though was so nice. Many people were giving him weirded out looks, even offended. They thought he was a freak. He was unable to keep quiet for a long period of time, so school became very hard for him and let’s face it, other kids are very judgemental towards people who are different. Eventually it got even to the always positive Carter. It started slowly. He became frustrated, scared and later on very depressed. I watched him every day be more and more sad, as if a piece by piece he was dying. His ticks started to be more rude, which made him more anxious, which made him tick even more. I tried to be there for him, to support him, to cheer him up, but it wasn’t enough.

One day he didn’t come to school and I wasn’t able to reach him on his phone. I became very worried. He was capable of anything at this point, despite the loving support of me and his family. The outside world just overpowered the good and placed him in a dark hole, out of which he couldn’t get out. Anxiously I left school early and hurried over to his flat. We were twenty at that time.

I tried to ring the doorbell, but nobody was answering. I had this bad feeling, so I stopped messing around and fair and square threw a stone in his living room and climbed in. I got some very bad cuts, but I couldn’t care less. I searched most of the house, until finally, I found him on the bathroom door, crying his eyes out, holding a closed tube of pills. I sat next to him and hugged him. We didn’t speak, just sat there.

After this incident, I decided it was time to do something. I found a local group meeting with people suffering from Tourette’s syndrome and brought Carter there. He was amazed. All those people were like him, they accepted him and they loved him as much as I did. He finally found a place where he belonged and discovered that he wasn’t alone. We started attending regularly and even found out that in the group was a professional comedian. We attended one of his performances and I could see, that a new spark appeared in Carter’s eyes. Finally he could see that there was a way, that he could live happily and at last he was able to see himself as I saw him all those years… as an extraordinary human being, that everybody should be jealous of, because nobody was even close as awesome as he was.

Life decisions at 20

Sometimes I feel like my life is one big irony. When I was younger I wondered what it would be like if I went home in the direction as my friends did and whether my mom’s friend was more than just a friend… Now my parents are divorced (not because my mom was unfaithful or anything, my dad is just emotionally constipated and they lasted together longer then most people expected), my mom’s married to that friend and I moved in with her… Later on as I had to apply for colleges I wondered what if I didn’t get into one – but that’s ridiculous right? Everybody gets accepted… well everybody except me it seems. As I didn’t get into college I moved out across my little republic and I’m living happily with my boyfriend and I am a zero-year student at English and American studies… Since a big part of my life are TV series and one of the repeating themes is choosing whether to pursue career or love, I’ve always wondered what would I choose – well surprise surprise the time has come that I actually have to choose. I am twenty years old and I have to decide whether to move back into my hometown and study the most prestigious university in my country or stay where I am with my boyfriend who’s also studying here and continue the school I am in… I’ve not been accepted yet so I’m pushing that decision as far as I can, but eventually I will have to decide and it won’t be an easy decision. I’m scared and confused. I am worried that my relationship wouldn’t last if I moved away, but that university would bring me much better future. It’s a hard decision, a decision that shouldn’t have come so soon, yet here I am and I have no clue how all of this will turn out.