Am I only human trash lacking any goals?

Am I only human trash lacking any goals?

Today something happened today. I was at a course of academic writing, it was an introductory class and the professor was asking us various questions. One question was, what do we feel comfortable with – concerning the English language. I was not able to answer that question. And of course, that with this question also comes hand in hand its opposite – what do we feel less comfortable with.
We got to talking and soon enough the professor asked, whether someone thought that they aren’t good at anything… and I raised my hand maybe a little too fast. I thought that there was no way I would be the only one raising a hand (as the little pessimistic shits we are all), but to my greatest surprise, I was.
The teacher was very surprised and confused and asked me why did I think so. The thing is, that I applied for English language and literature as a field of study because I was not good in anything else and as cocky as I was, I thought that I was really good at English… then I discovered that as always I was quite average.
Bear with me here for a minute, because I will make a slight digression here. A few days back we were discussing our aspirations with my boyfriend. As I found out, he is a very heavy career oriented guy. He has a clear vision of what he wants to become and what he wants to achieve… when I was supposed to answer, I had to think for a while. To be honest, I wouldn’t be able to name even one aspiration, if he didn’t help me realise, that my little ridiculous dreams are actually things that I aspire to achieve. For example, I want to have my own little apartment, where I could do whatever and whenever I want. I want to have a steady income in a job that I like and I’d love to go every day casually in a coffee shop for my flat white to go, in my powder pink pumps that are just screaming that I did it, that I am the fancy bitch who has nothing to worry about.
Now that we established that I actually have some aspirations, let’s get back to my field of study. I always wanted to be the very best at English, to be a translator and everything that comes with it. What puzzles me though is the fact, that I simply accepted my average status. What happened? Why am I not working hard on my English skills, trying to improve? I don’t know… As a translator, I also need not only English but other languages and if I want to be that fancy bitch who is better than everybody else, I must learn terminology for some specialised field (law at best). It’s nice to have a dream but why have a dream if I am not working to achieve it? I am a very self-conscious individual, but that should only motivate me, even more, to work harder.

I have always known, that I am a trash of a human, but I think that only now for the first time in my life did I realise, how bad it actually is. I am always proclaiming that I have some dignity and that I don’t want to have an inferior job. Better stop running my mouth and actually start acting on it.


Little Safe Haven

As some of you might know, I moved to a different city across our little republic, in order to attend college. Except for my boyfriend, I knew nobody here and the whole city was alien to me. Yet I managed to stumble across one place I knew by heart – Costa Coffee. For those who are not familiar with this coffee shop, it’s like the second most known coffee chain store after Starbucks. That said, you may be thinking ‘yeah, of course, a chain store would feel familiar duh’, but hear me out. In my hometown (the capital city) Costa Coffee is on every corner, I always took it for granted, but here? Nothing. I am a college student and a coffee lover, so of course, that between lectures I was looking for some coffee places to take refuge in and I was struggling. For the whole first semester, I couldn’t find a steady place where I would return regularly. But then out of nowhere, I 18136394_10208690723217977_943398478_nfound it. We were about to go on a trip by train with my boyfriend and I was craving coffee so much, that I was looking where to get a cup, when suddenly, very well hidden, I came across Costa Coffee. I’ve been going there ever since. In this town, I’m living in at the moment, there is only one Costa for the whole town! But nevertheless, it feels like a little safe haven, a familiar surrounding, that reminds me of home, where I can sit peacefully by myself and for a moment chill out.
It’s always important to find your little cosy place in an unfamiliar place, doesn’t matter whether it’s a bookstore, a coffee shop or a stationery shop, as long as you feel comfortable there and you feel welcomed there. I found my place and I hope you’ll find yours.

(PS: also the staff there seems to recognise me already… maybe I’m going there too often?)