Little Safe Haven

As some of you might know, I moved to a different city across our little republic, in order to attend college. Except for my boyfriend, I knew nobody here and the whole city was alien to me. Yet I managed to stumble across one place I knew by heart – Costa Coffee. For those who are not familiar with this coffee shop, it’s like the second most known coffee chain store after Starbucks. That said, you may be thinking ‘yeah, of course, a chain store would feel familiar duh’, but hear me out. In my hometown (the capital city) Costa Coffee is on every corner, I always took it for granted, but here? Nothing. I am a college student and a coffee lover, so of course, that between lectures I was looking for some coffee places to take refuge in and I was struggling. For the whole first semester, I couldn’t find a steady place where I would return regularly. But then out of nowhere, I 18136394_10208690723217977_943398478_nfound it. We were about to go on a trip by train with my boyfriend and I was craving coffee so much, that I was looking where to get a cup, when suddenly, very well hidden, I came across Costa Coffee. I’ve been going there ever since. In this town, I’m living in at the moment, there is only one Costa for the whole town! But nevertheless, it feels like a little safe haven, a familiar surrounding, that reminds me of home, where I can sit peacefully by myself and for a moment chill out.
It’s always important to find your little cosy place in an unfamiliar place, doesn’t matter whether it’s a bookstore, a coffee shop or a stationery shop, as long as you feel comfortable there and you feel welcomed there. I found my place and I hope you’ll find yours.

(PS: also the staff there seems to recognise me already… maybe I’m going there too often?)

Stop procrastinating via procrastinating

Is your kid a pathological procrastinator? Do they have an important test that they need to study for, but they still have so many better things to do and a huge range of excuses? Do they have little to none patience? Then I found the solution for you.
You see, I am a college student. Starting tomorrow my exam period starts off with an important exam and what did I do to study? Absolutely nothing. I managed to read two books, both of 400 pages in the last week and both completely useless for my studies. For once I am clever enough not to start reading another book (although the temptation is killing me) and I won’t start watching any new series, despite not having anything to watch. That said, I had nothing to do. I had watched all the youtube videos in my subscriber feed and since it wasn’t even noon, it was way too early to study, so what did I do? Played a video game, that’s right.
You may be confused – how is that going to help you stop procrastinating? It is actually l_60c4eab9quite easy… because currently, I am playing Alice: madness returns. If you know this game and you were able to finish it and it was a piece of cake for you, then I admire you. I am not even kidding, you are a god. For those who don’t know the game, you have to fight a lot – there are like million controls, which get pretty confusing and if you are like me, you lose control of where your fingers are and there are just so many enemies… and they kill you over and over and over again till finally, finally, you manage to beat them. But then there are the jumpalice-mr-01b-lging platforms… Like heeell to the no. They disappear and they move and there is no saving, just checkpoints, so all your effort is worthless if you screw up just one time on the very end… Oh my, it’s such a frustrating game! I am not a very patient person and this game will seriously drive me off the edge into a nut house (yeah, I see the irony). It actually angers me so much that after half an hour of failing, I’d rather study for my exam, then continue playing. I am cured of procrastinating.
The lesson here? If you have the urge to procrastinate, do something that you know will drive you up the wall and you will be glad to do some calm studying that makes sense (in most cases).

Too much feminism?

I can already hear the angry people coming at me for this post, but before you judge me right away without reason, hear me out. I am a student of English literature and every other week I have a seminar addressing a certain book assigned to that week. This semester I got a really awesome professor that is explaining us everything about the author, the times the book was written in and all the different issues mentioned in the work. I admire his determination but there is just one teeny tiny flaw – it’s all about feminism with him. I’d never guessed that I would say it, but there actually CAN be too much feminism. Don’t get me wrong, I support the feminist movement and I’m all about the equal right, but all in all, there is a certain degree to which you can push it onto people.
I have read every book assigned for this semester and I tried to write my essays on new innovative topics… and yet I never got full 100%, but surprise surprise my friends who have never read the books have full 100% because they were writing about feminism and I wasn’t. Ok, I could cope with that you know, I could write about feminism too and if my theory works I will have 100% in the blink of an eye. But what was actually the last straw, was the last book we discussed – Remembering Babylon. I liked the book quite a lot (you should read it yourself, I can recommend it) but when he started talking I was staring at him with open mouth – he explicitly told us that if we are going to write an essay on this book, we have to include feminism… what? No… This book is about racism and xenophobia, about oppressing the Natives and stealing their land. There is the ideology of enslaving or straight up killing the natives, deep philosophy about the rottenness in people and so much more, feminism is barely touched, but nevertheless, I’m supposed to include it in a two pages response paper?
Feminism is an important issue, I get that, yet we can’t forget about other as important issues, especially as a professor. You can’t degrade people just because they aren’t writing about the issues you want them to. To give him some credit he is an undergraduate trying to get his doctorate and it’s nice that someone in a teacher’s position is even acknowledging feminism, but what’s too much is too much.

The magic of formal clothes

I’ve always been the girl who wears oversized band T-shirts or the one with fandom print. Put some oversized converse shoes and ripped and patched jeans in the mix and you have pretty much the picture of me.
When I was a little child and my mom was picking clothes for me, it always meant that it would be pink – she loooved pink. She loved pink so much that once at a summer camp I found myself dressed in pink sweatpants, a pink hoodie, and pink shoes… yeah, you can’t even imagine how embarrassed I felt. One thing led to another and as soon as I was in control of what I was wearing, I tried to be that dark intimidating rock leather wearing girl. I must say that I did succeed to some extent, I was finally proud of what I was wearing. The more band and geek T-shirts I owned the happier I was. But then I found myself a boyfriend and started attending college. You say that you don’t have a clue what that has to do with clothes? Oh, let me tell you – everything. I’ve never really been a make-up girl – I do have severe acne scars, but I tried to heal my complexion and one step to prevent pimples was to cut out heavy make-up, so in my rock days I just applied eyeliner and some mascara and I was good to go. But then I went to college and I met this girl heavily obsessing with NYX liquid lipsticks… and soon after I fell in that trap too. I started wearing lipsticks, actually started doing my brows and I’m slowly getting down full face make-up routine when I have time and for special occasions. But that pretty look wouldn’t do for my rock clothes and that’s when my boyfriend comes to the scene. He is a well put together young men, always in a shirt under a nice sweatshirt and he despises my band T-shirts. Formal clothes somehow were never even in my dictionary – I never really needed them and if I did, I possessed one skirt that was sufficient. My boyfriend changed all of that and convinced me to buy some prettier formal clothes – nice WHITE sweatshirt, a shirt (it has little Darth Vaders all over it so my geek self is satisfied too) and something I would have never imagined – tight fitting skirt.
I’ve always tried with my looks to be intimidating, to present this picture of a fierce strong woman who isn’t scared of anything, but it wasn’t until now that I realized that black clothes looking like I came straight from a metal concert, wasn’t it. There is something in well put together clothes, when you have a tank top and tight-fitting skirt with high heels, that you truly feel invincible, like you own the place. A strong woman that means business and won’t let you bring her down. I always tried to avoid feminine formal clothing but all this time, that was the key to being a fierce intimidating powerful woman and I’m glad I was able to see this new world.
(Next, I’m gonna dye my hair silver, wondering how’s that gonna go!)

Rambling – Determination

I have a strong urge to write something, yet I don’t know what to write about. There’s so much happening and at the same time nothing at all. Today we had a family gathering to celebrate my, my mom’s and my nana’s birthday… well technically my birthday is tomorrow, but you know, it was the most convenient timing for the family, so why not. Oh jeez, I’ll be twenty tomorrow! Big two and zero… I’m gonna have a crisis. I’m not a teen anymore… I don’t feel like an adult though, I feel like everything but an adult. And to top it off, New Year’s coming faster than I am capable to keep up with. As a true college student, I have exam period starting off in January and my first exam is on the 3rd January… It has been too chaotic lately and I wanted to enjoy peace at home so I haven’t even touched my study materials… I seriously have to do something and I’m not addressing only my studies. I should put some effort into doing something useful… This blog is my first step. I’d like to fully put my head into it (I even borrowed my dad’s reflex camera! Guess I have to learn how to use it now), read more books, write more stories, just do something and not just sit at home and do nothing.
It’s actually one AM in thirty minutes and I’ve just finished reading Dear Charlie (I hope to write a review soon) and guys let me tell you, that was actually truly inspiring. I’ve not experienced that for a long time now with a book, but this one really left something behind. If you can go through something so shitty as the main character and still get on your feet and pull yourself together, then I can do that too. I promise to genuinely start studying tomorrow, to pass my exams and later on I’ll start doing something worth a while as I’m promising myself all these months.
If you got to this very end, well jeez aren’t you procrastinating yourself? I don’t suppose my rambling is so interesting to be much acknowledged but I hope you took something from it and maybe got inspired yourself. Let’s make it count people!

Christmas depression

It’s that time of the year again and as the past few Christmases, I find myself sitting in my room all by myself at one in the morning feeling awfully depressed and lonely.  And what’s even weirder, it somehow happened that this year I’m in a happy relationship. So why am I lonely you ask? Well the thing is that normally I live with my boyfriend, but his father lives in another country and his mother couldn’t have survived Christmas without her sons, so his whole family gathered in Poland and I myself stayed with my family in my hometown. Sure, I shouldn’t be feeling this shitty, but the thought that tomorrow (Christmas eve) I have to endure the whole day watching my happy sister with her boyfriend and my mom with her now husband just drives me nuts. Even my Grinch father, who doesn’t celebrate Christmas since the divorce, is actually celebrating this year with his new girlfriend. All that leaves me all by myself, being the third wheel to all those happy couples that want to spend the holidays together and don’t really care about me.
I shouldn’t be depressed. I have a loving boyfriend, happy family… yet I guess the only thing I really wanted was to be with my boyfriend on Christmas… more than I admitted myself. But you know I couldn’t have possibly asked him not to visit his family… Even though for once I really want to be selfish and have him here.
I always do so much for others… I like to make people happy and bring them joy, I’ll do whatever it takes at the moment to make somebody happy and still I don’t feel like others are trying to make me happy. I tried to burry my unhappiness with new things, such as a new book that I wanted for quite some time now, that would bring me joy and it actually worked for some time… However, the one AM Christmas loneliness was inevitable I guess and I don’t know what to do. And I don’t think it’s just Christmas… my birthday and New Year’s Eve are coming soon and it somehow all turned out very complicated and not planned properly… I’m not even looking forward to it and when I imagine that New Year’s Eve used to be my favourite day of the year… It’s just all so wrong and not at all as I wanted it to be, I should be used to it by now I guess, but I still keep my hopes up, which kicks me in the teeth every single year, causing me to feel pretty shitty even in this marry season.

I hope your Christmas turned out better for you and that you had a good one. I’ll be good as new once this is all over and till then, I’ll try to keep my spirits up and hopefully get some joy too. Have yourself a merry little Christmas 🙂